Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here’s a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean

Noel Coward: Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis? / Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong? / It’s swell to have a stiffy. / It’s divine to own a dick, / From the tiniest little tadger / To the world’s biggest prick. / So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas. / Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake, / Your piece of pork, your wife’s best friend, / Your Percy, or your cock. / You can wrap it up in ribbons. / You can slip it in your sock, / But don’t take it out in public, / Or they will stick you in the dock, / And you won’t come back.